Key Takeaways
- Telling your partner about an unplanned pregnancy can feel overwhelming, but an honest conversation may help you navigate the decision together.
- Before sharing the news, consider whether your relationship is healthy and whether you feel safe telling your partner.
- Prepare for the conversation by confirming your pregnancy, learning about your options, choosing a safe setting, and thinking through possible reactions.
- Your partner may need time to process the news, but you should never feel pressured, threatened, or forced into a pregnancy decision.
- If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you can seek confidential support, medical care, and information about your options as you decide what comes next.
Deciding whether you should tell your partner about your pregnancy is a highly personal question. Often, telling your partner is the best decision for you, your pregnancy, and your future. You can discuss this decision, honestly sharing your feelings about it, and make the best choice you can together. If this revelation could lead to abuse, manipulation, or controlling behavior, however, it may be better to keep the news to yourself, at least for a little while.
If you are pregnant and wondering how to tell your partner, these tips can help you process and prepare for this conversation. You can also find a kind and compassionate listening ear at our clinic as you consider all your options for this unplanned pregnancy.
Why is it so hard to tell my partner about my surprise pregnancy?
This conversation may feel overwhelming because of all the ways the outcome can affect your life. You are likely wrestling with your own feelings about your pregnancy, and now you’re figuring out the best way to bring another person into the decision. When thinking about sharing news of a pregnancy with a partner, women often worry that:
- Their partner will end the relationship
- They’ll be pressured or given an ultimatum
- The pregnancy will create too much financial pressure
- Their partner will tell others about the pregnancy
- They’ll disappoint their partner
- The relationship will change for the worse
These pregnancy fears are normal when considering an unexpected pregnancy conversation. And often, they don’t come true. With the right preparation and support, you may even find that your relationship becomes stronger than it was before.
Is it safe to tell my partner about my unplanned pregnancy?
In a healthy relationship, this conversation should be safe, even if it’s hard. If you’re anxious about your partner’s reaction, however, you should approach this discussion carefully.
Here are some ways to measure the health of your relationship.
If your relationship feels healthy
You should see signs that show your partner cares about you and your well-being, such as:
- Respect
- No history of violence
- Open communication
- Emotional support and awareness
If you’re worried about your safety
Red flags that could mean your partner isn’t a safe person to tell about your pregnancy include:
- Previous violence, even if he’s never physically hurt you
- Threats
- Intimidation
- Controlling behavior
- Isolating you from people who care about you
These are only a few signs to look for. If you feel unsafe or fearful about your partners’ reaction, take steps to protect yourself. Invite a loved one, counselor, or mentor to be present during the discussion, for example. No matter what, your safety comes first.
How can I prepare to tell him about my pregnancy?
First, confirm your pregnancy and get information about all your options and resources to share (which you can do for free at our clinic!). Then, plan and practice what you want to say. Choose a private but safe location and a time that allows the conversation to unfold fully and with minimal stress.
You can even run through his possible reactions beforehand so you feel more prepared for the outcome. Just remember that first reactions are often driven by shock. Give your partner time to process the news before choosing the next step for your pregnancy.
What if my partner reacts unexpectedly?
No one can control their emotions, so he probably will react in some ways you don’t expect. But that doesn’t mean he’ll react poorly or that his first reaction is how he really feels. This is a big, unexpected life change for both of you. Your partner will need time and space to process the news, just like you did.
That said, a continued negative reaction is a bad sign. If he continues to act with anger, pressure, denial, or withdrawal, seek support from someone you trust. You should never feel pressured to make a certain choice or forced to do something you don’t want to do. It won’t save your relationship, and it will only cause further harm.
A good and safe partner should be supportive, listen to you, discuss the situation with you, and partner with you to schedule medical care and learn about available resources. You deserve this and more.
Does my partner’s opinion about the pregnancy matter?
While your pregnancy affects you the most, it will also impact your partner. You get to make the final decision, but allowing a trustworthy partner to be involved is good for your relationship and for your peace of mind about your decision.
If you’re in a healthy relationship, set aside time to learn about all your options together. Start by confirming your pregnancy, if you haven’t already. You should also get an ultrasound and STD testing to check for potential complications. At Assured Women’s Healthcare, you can get all these services, as well as a pregnancy options consultation, at no cost. Your partner is welcome to join you too!
Make a free appointment today to get the care, information, and support you need.
FAQs
What if my partner wants an abortion but I don't?
This decision is yours to make. If you don’t want to end your pregnancy, you don’t have to. Make sure your partner understands why you don’t want to have an abortion, but don’t feel obligated to continue talking about your decision if he continues to pressure or manipulate you.
You will need additional support if he continues to insist on a choice you don’t want, so lean on your family and friends. If you feel threatened, seek help from local resources and law enforcement.
Should I tell my parents before my partner?
It depends on your situation. If you are a minor, then yes, you should tell your parents first. As the people responsible for your home and medical care, you will need their help moving forward.
That said, your parents can’t control what you decide for your pregnancy. If your parents aren’t supportive, look for help from your local community and resources. Call OptionLine at 800-712-4357 or visit optionline.org for assistance.
If you are an adult, you can decide who you want to tell first. You may want to have your parents’ support when you tell your partner about the pregnancy, or vice versa. You know what’s best for your situation.
What if I'm afraid my partner will leave me?
This is a common fear, but most women find that their partners are more supportive than they expected. Prioritize being honest with each other about your desires, fears, and expectations.
Sadly, there is always the possibility that your partner will end your relationship if he doesn’t like the choice you make for your pregnancy. It’s important that you don’t make a decision you don’t want to make to try to save the relationship. If he is willing to leave you over this situation, he isn’t committed to you or your well-being.
Don’t make a decision you’ll only regret in the long run.